Raising Godly Boys by Their Dad

I am not raising my sons simply to be good boys.

I am raising them to become men.

That means I want more for them than obedience while they are under my roof. I want them to know Christ, to think clearly, to work hard, to care for their bodies, to handle disappointment, to understand responsibility, to control themselves, and to stand when standing costs them something.

I want them educated, physically healthy, mentally steady, spiritually grounded, and able to lead themselves before they ever try to lead anyone else.

That kind of foundation does not appear by accident.

Scripture says, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6, KJV).

Training means involvement.

A coach does not stand at midfield while a player does whatever he wants and then act surprised when he cannot perform. A teacher does not throw a textbook on a desk and call that education. A father cannot provide food, clothes, a bedroom, Wi-Fi, and a ride to school and assume the job is finished.

Providing matters.

But providing is not the same thing as raising.

## Build the Foundation Before the Storm Comes

Jesus spoke about two men who built houses. One built on rock. The other built on sand.

The storm came to both.

That matters.

Following Christ does not mean your sons will avoid pain. Good parenting will not keep them from disappointment. A strong family will not stop temptation from finding them.

The difference is the foundation.

Jesus said:

“I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not.” Matthew 7:24–25

That is what I am trying to build.

I do not need my boys to grow up believing they will never get hurt. They will.

I need them to know what to do when they are hurt.

I do not need them to think they will never fail. They will.

I need them to understand that failure is not the end of the story.

I do not need them protected from every hard thing.

I need them prepared for hard things.

One day I will not be standing beside them when the storm hits.

That is why the foundation matters now.

## Their Faith Must Become Their Own

Taking my sons to church is not enough.

They need to know why they believe what they believe.

They need Scripture.

They need prayer.

They need to hear their father pray for them.

And eventually they need to know how to pray when their father is nowhere around.

Deuteronomy says:

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” Deuteronomy 6:7

That is not just church.

That is the breakfast table.

That is the drive to soccer practice.

That is the ride home after a bad game when nobody wants to talk.

That is the night one of them is lying awake worried about school, girls, failure, or whether he is good enough.

That is where faith has to live.

If Christ is real, He belongs in ordinary life.

And my boys also need to see that their father needs grace.

I will fail them.

There will be times I speak too sharply. Times I assume something before listening. Times I get frustrated and handle it badly.

When that happens, I need to own it.

A father saying, “I was wrong. I should not have spoken to you that way,” does not lose authority.

He teaches his son what repentance looks like.

My boys do not need to grow up believing their father never failed.

They need to know what their father did after he failed.

## Educate Them

I want my sons educated.

Not just credentialed.

There is a difference.

A diploma does not guarantee wisdom. A degree does not guarantee judgment. A man can spend years in school and still be manipulated by the loudest voice in the room.

That is why I want my boys to know how to think.

Read.

Study.

Ask questions.

Challenge assumptions.

Explain why you believe what you believe.

If I ask one of my sons, “Why do you think that?” and the answer is, “Because everybody says it,” that is not good enough.

The world is full of people who want to think for them.

Influencers want their attention.

Advertisers want their attention.

Political movements want their attention.

Pornography wants their attention.

Algorithms want their attention.

Everybody understands the value of a young man’s mind.

His father had better understand it too.

Teach him history.

Teach him Scripture.

Teach him math and science.

Teach him how money works.

Teach him how to write.

Teach him how to speak to adults.

Teach him how to ask for help without acting helpless.

Teach him how to disagree without becoming stupid or cruel.

Teach him how to listen to an argument without immediately surrendering to it.

Paul wrote:

“Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Romans 12:2

A renewed mind is not an empty mind.

If a boy cannot reason, eventually somebody else will do his thinking for him.

## Take Care of the Body God Gave Him

I want my boys to understand early that their bodies matter.

Eat well.

Drink water.

Sleep.

Move.

Run.

Lift something.

Kick a soccer ball.

Sweat.

Get tired.

Recover.

Do it again.

I do not want them obsessed with appearance.

I want them to understand stewardship.

Their bodies are not disposable.

Food matters.

Sleep matters.

Movement matters.

Discipline matters.

We should not wait until a man is forty years old, exhausted, overweight, sick, and angry at his own body before teaching him that what he does every day eventually catches up with him.

Paul said:

“For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things.” 1 Timothy 4:8

Godliness is greater.

But physical discipline still matters.

Sports help teach things fathers sometimes cannot explain with words.

Soccer is especially good at this because the game has no interest in your excuses.

You can practice all week and miss the shot.

You can play well and lose.

You can play badly and still have teammates depending on you.

Someone may be faster than you.

Someone may be stronger.

The referee may make a call you hate.

The coach may sit you.

And one day you may walk off the field furious because you know you could have played better.

That is where the lesson starts.

I have had those rides home where a boy is angry, blaming the referee, blaming the coach, blaming everybody except himself.

Sometimes the car needs to stay quiet for a few minutes.

Then eventually comes the question:

“Did the referee make you miss that pass?”

No.

“Did the coach make you stop running?”

No.

“Then what are we going to work on?”

That is how boys grow.

Not by pretending disappointment did not happen.

By facing it.

## Be a Grateful Loser and Strive to Win

I teach my boys to be grateful losers.

And I teach them to strive to win.

Those two things belong together.

If you lose, shake the other team’s hand.

Respect the player who beat you.

Thank your coach.

Do not pout.

Do not throw your equipment.

Do not embarrass yourself because somebody else was better that day.

But do not confuse graciousness with indifference.

I want my sons to want to win.

Compete.

Train.

Prepare.

Get stronger.

Come back better.

There is nothing noble about pretending the score does not matter when everyone knows why the game is being played.

Competition teaches something important.

Sometimes someone else gets the position.

Sometimes somebody else wins the race.

Sometimes someone else starts.

Sometimes somebody else earns the promotion.

Sometimes somebody else makes the team.

Real life does not hand out equal outcomes because everybody tried.

My sons need to know how to lose without becoming bitter and how to win without becoming arrogant.

That is character.

And I will not teach them that boys and girls are interchangeable.

Male and female are equal in value before God.

Equal dignity.

Equal worth.

Equal image bearers.

But equality does not require pretending there are no differences.

Scripture says:

“Male and female created he them.” Genesis 1:27

God was not confused.

There are differences between boys and girls, including physical differences that matter in sports and development.

Pretending those differences do not exist does not honor boys.

It does not honor girls either.

And teaching children to deny reality simply because reality has become controversial is a lie from hell.

My sons will respect women.

They will not demean girls.

They will not use strength as an excuse for cruelty.

But they will also not be taught to apologize for being boys.

Strength is not a sin.

Competition is not a sin.

Wanting to win is not a sin.

The question is what you do with those things.

Win humbly.

Lose gratefully.

Train harder.

Respect your opponent.

Come back tomorrow.

## Mental Strength Does Not Mean Emotional Silence

Boys have emotions.

Pretending they do not does not make them strong.

It makes them confused.

I do not want my sons to crumble every time life hurts.

But I also do not want them growing up believing the only acceptable male emotion is anger.

Teach them to name what is going on inside them.

Fear.

Jealousy.

Embarrassment.

Grief.

Loneliness.

Shame.

Disappointment.

Then teach them what to do with it.

Feelings are real.

But feelings are not always truthful.

And feelings are not the boss.

A boy can be afraid and still do what is right.

He can be angry and still control his mouth.

He can be disappointed and still congratulate somebody else.

He can cry and still be strong.

He can be hurt without becoming cruel.

I have sat with my boys when they were angry enough to say something foolish.

Sometimes the lesson is not “stop feeling that.”

The lesson is, “You can feel that. But you are still responsible for what comes out of your mouth.”

That is maturity.

Proverbs says:

“He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” Proverbs 16:32

Strength is not having no emotion.

Strength is ruling yourself when your emotions want to rule you.

## Teach Them About Sex Before the Internet Does

We also need to quit acting shocked that boys struggle sexually.

They are boys.

Their bodies change.

Desire awakens.

And they live in a world where pornography can reach them instantly.

Silence is not a strategy.

Talk to them.

Tell them what pornography does.

Tell them what lust does.

Tell them women are not images to consume.

Tell them sex is good within God’s design and destructive when ripped away from it.

Do not only tell them, “Don’t look.”

Teach them why.

Job said:

“I made a covenant with mine eyes.” Job 31:1

That is intentional.

A covenant.

There will come a day when Dad cannot stand behind a son and watch every screen.

He needs conviction when nobody is there.

And if one of my boys comes to me and says, “Dad, I messed up,” I do not want my reaction to teach him that confession is more dangerous than hiding.

Deal with sin.

Deal with consequences.

Deal with access.

Deal with the device if necessary.

But keep the door open.

I would rather have a son who comes to me ashamed and honest than a son who becomes very good at lying.

## Make Them Work

Boys need responsibility.

Not pretend responsibility.

Real responsibility.

If you eat in the house, help maintain the house.

If you wear clothes, learn to wash clothes.

If the trash is full, take it out.

If somebody is carrying something heavy, get up and help.

If you make a mess, clean it.

If your mother is unloading groceries and you are sitting on your phone, put the phone down and move.

Work.

Not because work saves a man.

Because laziness destroys him.

Colossians says:

“And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men.” Colossians 3:23

Teach that while the stakes are small.

One day a boss will not care that he “did not feel like it.”

A wife will not care that he “forgot.”

Children will not care that Dad is tired.

Responsibility does not disappear because a man is uncomfortable.

## Do Not Rescue Them From Every Consequence

This one is difficult for fathers because sometimes rescuing feels like love.

It is not always love.

Sometimes love means letting a son experience exactly what you warned him would happen.

Forgot the homework?

He may take the grade.

Did not study?

He may fail the test.

Did not practice?

He may sit.

Spent all his money?

Then he waits.

Was disrespectful?

There should be a consequence.

I have seen the temptation to jump in and fix things because I know I can.

Call the teacher.

Email the coach.

Explain the situation.

Make it go away.

But one day I will not be able to call his professor, his commander, his employer, his wife, or the police officer and make consequences disappear.

He needs to learn cause and effect now.

Galatians says:

“Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Galatians 6:7

Better to learn that lesson when the consequence is a bad grade than when the consequence is a broken marriage, a ruined career, or something that cannot be undone.

## Teach Him How to Treat Women

A boy’s first lesson about women is often watching his father.

How does Dad talk to Mom?

Does he mock her?

Interrupt her?

Control her?

Ignore her?

Use Scripture like a weapon?

Or does he listen?

Respect?

Protect?

Serve?

Remain faithful?

Tell the truth?

A boy is collecting evidence every day about what being a man looks like.

He may forget most of my lectures.

He will remember how I treated his mother.

And I want my sons to know clearly that strength is never permission for cruelty.

Christ had all authority.

He did not need domination to prove it.

## Give Them Something Worth Becoming

I want my sons to know that manhood is not about being loud.

It is not about having the biggest paycheck.

It is not about being sexually experienced.

It is not about intimidation.

It is not about getting your way.

A man keeps his word.

A man works.

A man tells the truth when lying would be easier.

A man controls himself.

A man protects those who need protection.

A man apologizes when he is wrong.

A man remains teachable.

A man does not quit because something got difficult.

And a godly man understands that all of his strength is still under the authority of Jesus Christ.

Paul wrote:

“Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.” 1 Corinthians 16:13–14

Stand.

Be strong.

And do it with love.

## I Cannot Guarantee the Outcome

This may be the hardest truth in fatherhood.

I can raise them.

I cannot choose for them.

Eventually my sons will make decisions I cannot make for them.

They will decide whether they follow Christ.

They will decide what kind of husbands they become.

They will decide what they do when temptation finds them.

They will decide whether they work or make excuses.

They will decide what goes into their bodies.

They will decide what goes into their minds.

They will decide whether they stand when standing becomes costly.

That is why these years matter.

I am building now for the day when they no longer need me standing beside them.

So yes, I will pray with my boys.

And I will make them do their homework.

I will teach Scripture.

And I will tell them to put the phone down.

I will talk about Christ.

And I will drive them to soccer practice.

I will expect them to eat well.

I will expect them to work.

I will let them lose.

I will teach them to lose with gratitude and still care enough about winning to work harder next time.

I will make them apologize.

I will ask hard questions.

I will listen when they answer.

I will correct them when they are wrong.

I will admit when I am wrong.

I will love them when they succeed.

I will love them when they fail.

Because I am not merely trying to get my boys safely through childhood.

I am helping build foundations for men.

One day I will not be here.

My voice will be gone from the room.

They will have families, bills, responsibilities, temptations, victories, losses, wounds, decisions, and storms of their own.

When that day comes, I do not want them desperately searching for something solid.

I want them already standing on it.

“As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15